We've had it wrong this whole time. There is no such thing as right or wrong. It’s part of human nature—possibly even the law of evolution—to label everything and stuff it into neat little boxes because, well, life feels “simpler” that way.
What we've labeled as "right" are actions that stem from a good place, while "wrong" often refers to acts rooted in trauma. Trust issues, low self-esteem, grief, violence, bullying, lack of identity, abandonment, insecurity, illness—the list goes on. These actions often aren't inherently "bad"; they're reactions to internal struggles.
Take the classic example of the cheater. When a partner cheats, it’s never truly about you—it’s always about them. It’s not because you're boring or unattractive. It's because they feel a void they can't fill, or are chasing something they can’t even define. Perhaps they lack self-control or are so self-centered they prioritize their urges over others' feelings. Is it a lack of values? Maybe. But fundamentally, it’s a reflection of unresolved chaos within them.
This example proves a broader point: Is it truly "wrong" to lash out or act irrationally when overwhelmed? People aren't angry—they feel anger, but beneath that is often loneliness or fear. People aren’t "sad"—they feel sadness, repeatedly drowning in unresolved thoughts. Our actions are responses to what we feel inside. So, is it fair to label these acts entirely "wrong"?
When the cheater cheats, or anger manifests as aggression, these aren’t spontaneous acts. They are expressions of unresolved battles, unhealed trauma, and insecurities—pain they haven’t dared to unpack.
Here’s the thing about trauma: it’s exhausting. You’re trying to heal from it while living with it. Most people settle for a cheap “this is who I am” or “I’ve always been this way.” And while there’s no shame in that, there is hope. With determination and consistency, healing is always possible. After all, is there anything sexier than working on yourself?
Which brings us back to the initial point: How do we even define right or wrong, good or bad, when everything we do is solely a reaction to our emotions? The answer: values.
Values are tricky. Some we’re born into, others we pick up along the way. But we must tread carefully, for values are beliefs, and beliefs demand action. They are not static—they are the choices we make daily, the means to the end.
In the end, perhaps "right" and "wrong" aren't fixed absolutes but reflections of how aligned we are with our values and the effort we invest in our willingness to grow. It’s not about being perfect or avoiding failure but learning from it all, giving ourselves grace, and choosing to do better next time.
And that, my friend, might just be what’s right.
Though trauma may explain certain actions, it doesn’t justify them. Healing is a choice. Seek help, listen to your heart, and give yourself the time and space to grow. Because the most powerful thing you can do is show up for yourself—and the world—as the best version of you.
Xoxo, Stella.
Tiziano's Cain and Abel (1544) vividly portrays the biblical story of the first murder, where Cain, consumed by jealousy and anger after God favors Abel's offering, kills his brother in a tragic act of rage. The painting masterfully captures the raw emotions, physical intensity, and moral weight of the scene, reflecting humanity's struggle with envy, divine judgment, and the devastating consequences of sin. Through dynamic composition and psychological depth, Tiziano immerses the viewer in the drama and timeless relevance of this tale.
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